... and that’s important!
There are simply days when you wake up on the wrong foot and you don't know why. There is nothing special to report in your life to cause you to be in a bad mood, but still that’s the way you feel and you are. So what if your bad mood was trying to tell you something important? How to find out and fix it?
Signs not to ignore
There is a certain cultural norm of fatigue that we experience and accept without even realizing it. Obligations, work, family, lead us into a dead end whirlwind that simply becomes normal. So we assume everything is okay, and we don't dwell on our bad mood. “At this rate, it’s no surprise that getting up in the morning is an ordeal.” This is the kind of explanation we give ourselves and live with, without further consideration. What if it was more than that? What if these were warning signs that should not be ignored?
The alarm goes off every morning, and every morning you hit snooze button several times, groaning, and hide back under the blanket thinking, “If only it could forget about me today?” After 3 or 4 “snoozes”, you have to face the facts, the alarm clock has not forgotten you, and it is even starting to annoy you. So you drag yourself out of bed. You saved 10 minutes, but that didn't give you any enthusiasm.
Then you look through your schedule, and you feel defeated: “I don’t want to do any of this. Why have I committed to doing so many things and to so many people?
You just don't feel like drinking coffee with your aunt this afternoon. Nothing against her, but the desire is lacking, because it involves crossing the city, finding a parking space, and all this to hear the same stories. Going to exchange the blouse that you bought in a hurry, which doesn't suit you, seems like an ordeal, so you might as well give it up (why not give it as a gift to your aunt.)! Then the dog looking at you desperately to go out. Well, it will wait a little longer before taking it out. Walking around in the rain now is the last thing you want to do. And the shoes! Here are some more shoes lying around in the middle of the room. How many times will you have to tell your kids to put their shoes away?
Your bad mood is reflected in every chapter of your life. You are continually grumpy and have to be taken with a grain of salt, with your loved ones, your colleagues, your pet, and everyone you meet, known or strangers.
There may even be times when you want to send certain people away because they interfere with your plans. Even if you hold back from doing it, you certainly don't lack the desire. Anyway, you are always on the verge of exploding, and making a fool of yourself as a result.
If all of this happens to you regularly… STOP! Look at yourself, right in the face. What is going on? Why are you in a bad mood all the time? If it’s temporary, and it’s been going on just for a few days… It happens! We can have moments of fatigue and not feel at our best. But if this situation persists, these may be warning signs that your bad mood is trying to tell you something. So be careful. What you are feeling is definitely not a passing thing.
What is your bad mood trying to tell you?
It is trying to tell you that there is an imbalance in your life, somewhere.
For many people, there may be a constant lack of sleep. Insufficient or poor quality sleep can have serious impacts on our daily lives and our mood. Sometimes it is enough to have a single sleepless (or bad) night, and we feel it for several days. Nothing dramatic!
Maybe you are hungry? Skipping meals or eating them on the go can also impact our overall well-being. This is one of the hazards of life that we have to face from time to time, and for which we can find temporary and quick solutions in order to regain our balance. The return to balanced and orderly meals, or a regular sleep rhythm, and everything is back to normal. But if it wasn't that, or not only that? What is your bad mood trying to tell you?
Your life may be out of balance
Unfortunately, many times our lives are out of balance in more significant ways. Perhaps you have lost touch with who you are and what is important to you? Perhaps you find that you go out of your way for people when you don't want to? Maybe you're doing a bunch of things that are contrary to who you really are? Whether it's a job you don't like or tasks you really mind doing, there may be an area of your life that isn't working for you. Perhaps it is also because you are neglecting yourself and not taking your needs into account. Whether it's time to yourself, to exercise, to meditate, to read, or to just do nothing, do you give yourself some sort of down time to recharge? Are you in alignment with yourself, your aspirations and your needs?
Either way, usually when you're in a bad mood, your body is trying to tell you that there is an imbalance in your life, one way or another. At first it will show up subtly, then the signals will get stronger and stronger if you continue to ignore it. Your nervous system will also show it as a bit of a bad mood, at first. Maybe no one else will really notice, but inside, you feel a little ugh. You just want to pick on everyone.
The problem won't go away if you don't act
If you don't do something quickly, it will eventually escalate and you will show signs of bad mood or annoyance, more and more vivid and frequent. Initially, this can be shown through non-verbal signs. People only notice that you have a firm, sullen face, nothing more. But eventually, you will break down. Maybe with your loved ones, your pet, or with a colleague. For example, you sometimes respond to an email in a harsh and derogatory manner, simply because you had to respond quickly, and you didn’t want to give a response right away. But then later, you regret your action and for being out of control. You say to yourself, “I should never have reacted like that” or “I didn’t mean to come out that way.” But there ! Too late ! You pushed the “send” button.
These are some of the warning signs of an imbalance in your life that your bad mood is trying to tell you, and the problem won't go away if you don't act.
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What to do when your life is out of balance
So if these kinds of scenarios happen to you often, what can you do about it to create balance in your life, and not lose yourself so often?
Don’t be such a perfectionist!
At first glance, perfectionism may not necessarily seem like an undesirable trait. On the contrary, in our culture, it is even recommended to do our best in all facets of our lives, but this can give rise to an intense feeling of pressure.
Stop constraining yourself! Perfectionism can increase your anxiety and negatively impact your mental health. By always wanting to do better and not being satisfied whatever the result, burnout looms on the horizon. Step on the brake pedal, and don't be so demanding of yourself.
Learn to manage external demands and obligations
Ok, we all have to manage (the best that we can) certain obligations and external demands. Nobody cuts it. But you're not a superhero who escapes space-time laws either. The 20 miles in traffic to meet your aunt exist. You are not Samantha from Bewitched to make your children's shoes disappear, and you do not trust AI to respond to your emails. In conclusion, all of this is very real, and written in black and white on your “to do list”, that no one will erase for you. So it's up to you to do it. With compassion and sensitivity, but firmly. When you say “yes” when everything inside you is screaming “no,” there is a serious problem. That’s the one you need to address. Set limits! You may offend your aunt, your children will balk, but you will have gained a few precious minutes for yourself.
Learn to manage all the competing demands on your time so that you have enough left to either go to yoga or painting class, run or exercise in the morning, or just take some "me time.". Give yourself this break from work-children-obligations or anything that feels like a responsibility. This will allow you to answer your emails with a smile, play with your children and your pet, and drink tea with your aunt (from time to time), all with pleasure. And you will no longer curse your alarm every morning!
Reconnect with yourself and what is important to you
Accepting invitations out of obligation, giving more than one's energy level allows to others or to various situations, giving up one's dreams and desires for fear of disappointing or being judged... this is a common situation. So rest assured, you are not alone! However, these behaviors can lead to self-disconnection, in addition to causing disappointment. Recognizing and appreciating the simplicities, that dot everyday life, nourishes the pleasure that we are capable of feeling. One of the keys to achieving this is to focus your attention on sensations. Here's something where highly sensitive people are pros (a little too much sometimes... often even). However, here I'm talking about using your senses as a fun tool to reconnect with yourself. Listen to the rain beating on your windows. Watching the evolution of the bird ballet - always through the window, but outside is even better. Listen to your body. Yes, it speaks to you! A chirping here, a slight discomfort there, a gentle warmth or tingling. Get in touch with your body, and offer it a bath in Nature, music, scents. When you're out for a walk, try mindfulness walking or stop to do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise which will lower your stress or anxiety in seconds, and ground you in your body.
To reconnect with yourself, always start with the body, since everything passes through it. Developing attentiveness to the messages it sends us allows us to optimize each moment, each experience, each sensation and each emotion. Have you ever finished a meal without realizing that you had eaten, and without having really tasted it? Its different flavors? This can be caused by watching television, going through your cell phones, answering the incessant questions from your children and the omnipresence of thoughts, stress and mental load. Agree to eat at least one meal a day mindfully, even if it’s a square of chocolate. Look at it, observe its texture, its color, its smell, then taste it. Notice your sensations in your mouth. The chocolate melts slowly and leaves a lasting taste. Be curious.
Allowing ourselves moments of respite is essential to put our finger on the various sensations circulating in our body, and to reconnect with ourselves.
Take a day off
Organize a day or a few hours of rest/recharge in order to have some of that “me time”, which is so important. Use this opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Identify your needs and what you want to do with your life. Don’t passively allow yourself to be carried away by the tides. Whether it’s at work, the kids’ schedule, or whatever.
Be curious. Make a list of things you would like to do, experience, and try to include a few of them in your schedule. Don’t go into defeat, thinking it’s impossible. Get out of your comfort zone and sign up for that drama class that tempts you, but scares you. The satisfaction of having surpassed yourself will be beyond measure and will allow you to face other problems, with more confidence and serenity. And then, even if the alarm goes off too early most of the time, on the day of your drama class, you will jump out of bed.
Don't turn your whole life upside down (if you can't), but every change is a victory, and a step towards what you want to do in alignment with yourself.
Pay attention and reduce your stress
Obligations that cannot be cut, constant distractions and anxiety-provoking news drown out the elements that should deserve to occupy a central place in our lives. Practicing mindfulness while performing everyday tasks proves to be one of the best remedies for low mood, stress, and time slipping through our fingers. By the same token, reconnecting with yourself allows you to have the strength to reconnect with others. But examine, without veil, what your stress vectors are. Is it a situation, a relationship, your job, where you live?
Give yourself gentleness and compassion
As in many spheres, it would be normal to already want to master our life, the art of mindfulness, and immediately access serenity, and experience a reconnection with ourselves, but life is not a long, quiet river. So, it's up to us to clear all the rocks that we put in our way without realizing. It is up to us to dismantle one by one the blocks that others or circumstances impose on us, against our will and our well-being.
That said, it is important to follow the natural flow of your own process, according to your own circumstances and challenges, without rushing anything. With compassion, gentleness and awareness, you will succeed!
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