When you're a highly sensitive person or an empath, one of your many unique gifts might be hyper-empathy. This goes beyond ordinary empathy, which is already in short supply in some cases, to an extraordinary level - hyper-empathy!
What is hyper-empathy?
It's as if all your antennas are tuned outward, picking up on the emotions, energies, and atmospheres around you. It might sound mystical, but it has a basis in neuroscience. The brain of highly sensitive individuals functions with a lower activation threshold in the nervous system, enabling it to absorb more signals with greater intensity.
If, during childhood or adolescence, your emotions were not acknowledged or validated, you might have learned to disconnect from your own feelings. Managing them may have felt overwhelming, leading you to focus outward instead. Helping others can feel comforting, giving you a sense of purpose, love, and recognition - fundamental human needs. However, this can sometimes be a trap, diverting you from your own needs for growth and fulfillment.
As we grow up, we often prioritize pleasing others, neglecting self-care.
Why do Highly Sensitive People develop Savior Syndrome?
Several factors can contribute to the development of Savior Syndrome. These include:
1. Childhood experiences
- Trauma, neglect, or abuse during childhood.
- Being “parentified,” where you had to take on adult responsibilities early, such as caring for siblings.
These experiences can create a need to feel valued and useful to others, often tied to low self-esteem.
2. The need for approval
Feeling out of place may drive you to seek acceptance and love by prioritizing others' needs over your own.
3. Empathy
Highly sensitive people often feel others’ pain deeply and are naturally inclined to help, which can lead to a savior mindset.
4. Perfectionism
Perfectionists may struggle with imperfection in others, feeling compelled to "fix" or improve them.
5. The need for control
A strong desire for control might push someone to act as a savior to ensure outcomes align with their expectations.
Do you recognize any of these traits in yourself?
Ways to overcome savior syndrome
Savior syndrome doesn’t define who you are; it’s a pattern that can be changed. While it may take time, transforming these behaviors is absolutely possible and rewarding.
Here are some steps to begin breaking free from this emotional cycle:
1. Reflect on your motivations:
Examine why you help others. Is it to feel needed or accepted? Are you often taking on responsibility for others’ problems?
2. Learn to say No:
Savior syndrome can lead to overcommitting. Saying no helps manage your energy and time while enabling others to develop their own resources.
3. Set boundaries:
Tune in to your emotions and needs. Trust your inner signals, and practice saying no when necessary. Over time, setting boundaries becomes more natural.
4. Encourage autonomy:
Responsibility is key to breaking free from the drama triangle. Instead of taking ownership of others’ issues, encourage them to find their own solutions. This fosters mutual respect and independence.
5. Prioritize Self-Care:
Listen to your needs and emotions. Fatigue isn’t just an obstacle; it’s a signal to slow down. By caring for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to help others in a balanced way.
6. Seek professional support:
If you struggle with Savior Syndrome or setting boundaries, consider working with a therapist or coach to develop healthier strategies and enhance your emotional well-being.
Tips to break free from Savior Syndrome
Tip #1: Ask these 4 questions before offering help
Before helping someone, ask yourself:
- Has the person explicitly asked for help?
- Is the person making an effort to solve the issue?
- Do you have the skills to help effectively?
- Do you genuinely want to help?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, Savior Syndrome might be at play, and it’s wise to reconsider offering help.
Tip #2: Practice saying conditional Yeses
Learning to say no can be challenging. As an intermediate step, consider saying yes with conditions:
- “Yes, if I can work from home.”
- “Yes, if I get a day off.”
- “Yes, if I’m acknowledged as a contributor.”
- “Yes, if I receive support from [a specific person].”
What conditions would make saying yes comfortable for you?
Conclusion
Savior syndrome is a challenge for Highly Sensitive People but it isn’t an unchangeable part of you. Witnessing clients take small steps to reconnect with their own needs and prioritize themselves is inspiring, as it transforms their lives profoundly.
If you’re ready to prioritize yourself, check out my coaching program for a personalized approach, book a free 60-minute discovery session today!
You want to share your story, your struggles and the battles you won, and be part of our circle of sensitive and intuitive people. Come with us and let's chat with other highly sensitive people!
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