Being highly sensitive is an immense gift of life when our sensitivity - beyond the norm - is well experienced. This involves a balanced environment, a healthy entourage and some daily care. Even though we are complex people, that does not mean that we are difficult and complicated. To tell the truth, the majority of highly sensitive people I have met have rather simple expectations. Placed in an environment that meets their needs, such as being close to nature, far from large cities, they are not the ones who will make you run around the shopping malls for entire days, nor will they ask you to go out constantly. They will not bother you with incessant chatter, but will respect your own needs and take care of your well-being with creativity.
So stop harassing them with your derogatory remarks and impossible demands. Do not take over from those around them who played tyrants in their childhood by describing them as weak or touchy. For many, childhood was rocked by phrases like: “Stop crying, you have to toughen up!” “, “That’s it, you’re starting drama again” or “How touchy can you be! “ etc… Quite simply, stop!
High sensitivity is not a defect, it is a sign of great emotional intelligence and a deep knowledge of the world around us.
Although society has made good progress on the subject, preconceived ideas about highly sensitive people are still tenacious. They are often seen as people who are not equipped to cope with the pressure of the working world and the ups and downs of life.
However, high sensitivity is neither a pathology nor a character defect. It is a neurobiological reality. A highly sensitive person is born highly sensitive, and will remain so all his life!
It is therefore useless to try to ask a highly sensitive person to repress their sensitivity. It will eventually resurface. Highly sensitive people are born with this trait, they can neither hide it nor make it disappear. The mistake is to consider high sensitivity as a personality disorder that must be treated. IT IS NOT AN ILLNESS !
Fortunately, times are changing and we are beginning to realize the immense human qualities that highly sensitive people possess.
Think about the highly sensitive people you know and think about what you like about them... You will come to the conclusion that what attracts you to them is their sensitivity. Their sensitivity which makes them loving, caring, attentive people, always ready to be of service to you, concerned about your well-being. They are empathetic, creative, altruistic and loyal. Alas, while the less sensitive love our sensitive nature when it serves them, they reject it when it is directed towards others or prevents them from doing certain things. So less sensitive friends, be a little less selfish and accept us in our entirety, with these moments a little less easy.
I hear a few sighs of relief and glimpse smiles. Dear highly sensitive people, we are in the minority, I grant you, but we are nevertheless ~1.6 billion, the equivalent of India, which is the most populous country in the world. So let's also stop believing that our trait is rare, and insignificant to the rest of the world. Let’s raise our heads and make ourselves heard. If all highly sensitive people came together, there would be an incredible surge of solidarity, love and peace in the world.
If you've just realized that you're a highly sensitive person, it may have taken a weight off your shoulders after feeling different or misunderstood all these years. Now that you know it's your nature, you can silence those voices that berate you, and embrace all the amazing qualities that come with your sensitivity. It makes life rich and meaningful.
This is also the time to start thinking about what you need, not what others want. This means, among other things, adopting healthy boundaries - which can be difficult for highly sensitive people - and letting those close to you know what your needs are, but also what things are prohibitive for you.
To help you and especially those around you, I have put together ten things that no one should ever do to a highly sensitive person.
(Not sure if you're highly sensitive? Here are the signs of a highly sensitive person. You can also take the test here)
10 Things You Should Avoid Doing to Highly Sensitive People
1.- Ask them to consult
This may sound obnoxious, but it's often what we hear when a situation gets a little more difficult with another person. Behind this suggestion to go see a doctor is a clear statement that we have an illness, therefore that we have to take care of ourselves and take a few tablets to put everything back in place. There is nothing more painful to hear, and nothing more detestable.
2. Tell them to stop listening to themselves and take responsibility for themselves
While the majority of people, even when they are tired, can find a “second wind” and continue their activities, highly sensitive people must take time to recharge. Fatigue in highly sensitive people is not just a state due to too much activity, it is also defined by sensory and emotional overstimulation. highly sensitive people therefore need tranquility and solitude after a busy day to soothe their exhausted nerves and recharge.
Accept that highly sensitive people need alone time from time to time. This does not make them weak people, it makes them aware of their needs and more attentive to their body. This isn't an excuse for doing nothing, and no, we can't take it upon ourselves to keep up with you. Be understanding and respect our differences.
3.- Suggest to rewatch Shining with you or watch the latest boxing match
Highly sensitive people have an aversion to violence. Violent or scary movies, brutal sports, or any other “distraction” involving barbaric or cruel actions have a more negative impact on them than the average person. Even watching the news can be very difficult for a highly sensitive person.
Violence, horror, animal cruelty and the suffering of others affect them deeply. It can even make them physically ill. So don't organize this kind of event, you could bite your fingers and scare away your highly sensitive person.
4. Don't deliberately startle them.
Highly sensitive people startle more easily than less sensitive people. The main reason is their high sensitivity to sensory stimuli. Being assaulted all day long by sudden noises, enduring the continuous hubbub of cars, our electrical devices and the various auditory factors in our environment, is already exhausting in itself, so being deliberately startled by someone around us is the last thing we need. It must be understood that highly sensitive people are unconsciously in a state of permanent vigilance. Certain parts of their brain are much more active than average, particularly their cerebral amygdala, which acts as an alarm. There is nothing we can do to alleviate our reactions… it is physiological!
5. Assign them the role of an (unpaid) therapist
When a person has the natural empathy and ability to listen as a highly sensitive person, they quickly become the “therapist on duty” for those close to them. Attracted by their caring nature and willingness to help, some people take advantage of this by listening to them while they continue their monologue.
Listening to other people's problems in the way that highly sensitive people do can be extremely exhausting. Active listening requires great attention, but it also increases their empathy. During conversations with emotional connotations, highly sensitive people absorb the emotions of others even more because they put themselves in their place to be able to understand their situation. And whoever says absorb means feeling. Anyone who says they feel also says they have difficulty detaching themselves from the feelings of others.
Make sure you don't let your loved ones use you as a therapist just because you're so easy to confide in. Even if it's hard for you to say no or you feel like you're disappointing someone, it's important to set boundaries. Otherwise, you'll find yourself overwhelmed and drained because someone else used you as a dumping ground for all their negative feelings.
6. Do not only indulge them with banal and superficial conversations
Highly sensitive people have a rich and complex inner life. Their brain never stops! So between a world that never stops talking and that of highly sensitive people who never stop thinking, there is silence. The silence that highly sensitive people love so much because it calms their overstimulation and allows them to recharge their batteries. I can't say that all highly sensitive people hate small talk, but it is one of their characteristics, they don't like "cheap" conversations.
Highly sensitive people can of course talk about rain and shine, but that doesn't mean they like it. It is even one of the activities that they fear the most because they have a penchant for rich and meaningful experiences in life. Not only do they absorb a large amount of information which they process in depth, but they often have a very rich inner life which makes them introspective and contemplative. So of course, they like in-depth conversations. This allows them to share their inner thoughts and feel connected to others in a meaningful way.
This does not mean that all their conversations have to be philosophical, spiritual or metaphysical. Listening to someone speak passionately about their work, or another person vulnerably sharing their suffering, ignites their hearts and delights their spirits. Be authentic, vulnerable and deep, and they will listen to you in a very active and compassionate way.
7. Organize a surprise party
Surprise parties encompass so many things that can be unsettling and uncomfortable for those with high sensitivity. Between the loud cries of “Surprise!” » to superficial jokes, between the nature of the unexpected event and the impossibility of withdrawing or leaving because they are in the spotlight, surprise parties are a big NO for most highly sensitive people. If, in addition, they have to play host because the event is organized at their home, their emotions will fall into a dizzying spiral. The sensory stimuli, the desire for everyone to feel good, the pressure for everything to go perfectly (hello, perfectionism!), the emotional overload of all these people who love them and have come especially for them, it's a recipe for domestic disaster.
8.- Take them to social evenings at every opportunity that presents itself
I might as well tell you, it’s not our cup of tea. Apart from the fact that the place will certainly be crowded, therefore noisy, that we will have the impression of being in a henhouse with the added scent of a perfume stand in a shopping mall, the conversations in these kinds of events are only exchanges of politeness and worldliness without interest. It's not our thing.
9.- Invite them to a “happy hour” with your office colleagues.
So even though it's trendy and everyone is rushing to go, the auditory excess, the turbulent atmosphere and the lack of sincere connections are a toxic combination for the highly sensitive. The overstimulation caused by the loud noises and smells of a busy space makes us anxious, nervous and exhausts us.
The noise of glasses and the music that drowns out conversations only makes us want to go out!
So if you want to be the best version of ourselves, find a quiet place, choose less busy times, and we will happily enjoy a meal at a restaurant.
10.- Organize a trip with a marathon itinerary and tight deadlines
Pressure and time constraints bother us normally, so if you also impose it on us during our vacations, we won't really like it. I'm not saying we’d rather lay down as sardines on a beach, but there are limits between a marathon and doing nothing. Organizing a schedule without pressure or with an endless list of things to do or visit will stress us out and take away the pleasure of the vacation.
We need recovery time between our outings and activities to avoid sensory overload. So think about it before rushing activity after activity, and we will become the best travel companions.
And you, dear HSP, what else would you tell someone to never do to a highly sensitive person?
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