Many highly sensitive people and empaths often find it difficult to establish healthy personal boundaries. They might overlook their own needs, give too much of themselves, or feel uneasy and guilty when they need to say "no." This struggle is often rooted in various limiting beliefs that hold them back.
Let's explore some of the common ones I've encountered:
"It's not safe to have boundaries…"
For some HSP, the mere thought of setting a boundary can feel unsafe. This often stems from growing up with caregivers who were emotionally unstable, whether due to issues like alcoholism, narcissism, mental health challenges, or emotional abuse. In these environments, HSP may have felt vulnerable, powerless, and afraid that asserting a boundary could lead to physical, emotional, or mental harm.
These experiences can create a fear of making things worse, of being attacked or criticized, or of facing rejection. As a result, many HSP become hyper-aware of others' moods and needs, constantly on guard to protect their own emotional and physical safety. They may have learned to keep quiet or appease others, and the idea of setting a boundary now can trigger deep fear, as if it threatens their very survival. This often leads to avoiding conflict and hesitating to establish boundaries.
"It's unkind to say no…"
This is perhaps the most common limiting belief I hear from HSP and empaths. The idea that saying "no" is unkind is deeply ingrained, yet it's important to recognize that setting boundaries is actually an act of compassion. Boundaries protect both ourselves and others from harmful behaviors, just as laws and social systems are designed to do in society.
In our personal lives, it's perfectly okay for kind people to say "no" and establish boundaries. We have the right to remove ourselves or our loved ones from unfair, abusive, or unkind situations. This is an essential part of self-care and self-preservation, and it's crucial for our well-being.
"I need to give away my energy to people…"
Many Highly Sensitive People believe they can't have boundaries around their energy and feel compelled to give, often to their own detriment. This belief often originates from growing up with an "energy vampire" - someone whose love and attention were conditional on the HSP meeting their needs. If a parent had narcissistic tendencies, for example, the HSP's personal power and autonomy might have been seen as a threat, leading them to give in or give away their energy to stay safe.
As children, we adapt to our environments to survive, often by absorbing the pain of others or taking on the role of caregiver to be liked and loved. However, as adults, these patterns can be draining and unhelpful. It's important to reprogram our mental habits and establish healthier boundaries so we can maintain loving relationships without feeling exhausted.
"It's my role to keep the peace…"
In homes where healthy boundaries are lacking, HSP may take on the role of peacekeeper or mediator. This role can bring a sense of calm to chaotic situations and make others feel safe and appreciated. However, this often comes at a cost. HSP may find themselves constantly denying their own needs and developing perfectionist tendencies to avoid conflict.
As a peacekeeper, you may feel like you have to set aside your own feelings to create calm, even when you're frustrated or exhausted. This can lead to self-denial and an overwhelming pressure to always "get it right." While this role may have helped you cope in difficult situations, it's important to recognize that your needs and boundaries matter too.
"I mustn’t get angry…"
Healthy boundaries often require us to face and listen to our anger, which can be frightening for some HSP. Anger is a powerful signal that a boundary has been crossed, but many HSP are uncomfortable with this emotion. They may have grown up with a parent who had explosive anger, leading them to believe that anger is inherently bad or unsafe.
However, if we're disconnected from our anger, we're also disconnected from our boundaries and needs. Anger helps us recognize our limits and assert our "no." It's important to learn to listen to and understand our anger as a way to support the creation of healthy personal boundaries.
"I can’t trust my intuition…"
Trusting our intuition is key to setting healthy boundaries. This involves listening to the subtle messages our bodies send us, rather than dismissing or overriding them. However, this can be challenging in a society that values logic over intuition. Additionally, many HSP are trauma survivors, and trauma can make the body feel like an unsafe or untrustworthy place.
As a highly sensitive person or empath, we often have a strong sense of somatic empathy, which helps us navigate the world by sensing the intentions and emotions of others. To create healthy boundaries, we need to learn to trust these intuitive messages. This may require some deep self-healing to distinguish between intuition and past trauma responses.
"I don’t have a voice…"
Finding your voice as an HSP or an #empath can be challenging, especially if you've felt drowned out by others in the past. It can be difficult to know your own mind and needs, and even more challenging to articulate them. You may have a belief that you don't have a voice or that nobody listens to you, which can lead to confusion and self-doubt.
Many HSP and empaths become people-pleasers, absorbing the pain of others and struggling to differentiate their own thoughts and feelings from those of others. Finding your voice requires addressing these past experiences and learning to express your needs clearly and confidently.
"The problem is, I’m just not strong enough…"
There's a common misconception among #HSP that they are not strong because they feel the world more intensely than others. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a belief that they should be able to handle situations the same way everyone else does. However, this isn't true.
HSP and empaths experience the world differently, with heightened sensitivity to emotions, situations, and energy. This means they need to adjust their lives and boundaries accordingly. It takes great strength to process and navigate the vast amount of information and experiences that come their way. By recognizing their unique needs and setting appropriate boundaries, HSP and empaths can protect their well-being and allow their strengths to flourish.
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